Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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