No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
