Only a mothe r could love this liver
Fuck appropriateness.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
