he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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