It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize