I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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