Everything about him screamed your future.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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