you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
