is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
