Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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