the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
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