She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize