my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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