I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
