So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize