I'd wear matching sweaters with you
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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