He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
