I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
