I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
