In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
