He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
