we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
two words...techno handjob
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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