Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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