they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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