He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
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