Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
