I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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