So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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