Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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