He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Let's get the cat blown out
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
