I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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