I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She announced her abortion via fbk
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
