you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
