So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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