just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
