I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
