I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
