his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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