I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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