Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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