It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
