This is not my ceiling
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
