He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
