im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
