Only a mothe r could love this liver
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
