she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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