im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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