And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
