You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
