people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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