boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You need Xanax blowdarts
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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