im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
So much Jack, so little girl.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
