I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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