5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
