I hate your face
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just found puke in my bra..
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
