Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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