But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
