I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Terrible idea I love it
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
