I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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