now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
