so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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