your thong is hanging out like whoa
i permit you to call me
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
