it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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