Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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