We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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