im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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