he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
