The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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