Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
