Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
