i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
