I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
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Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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