Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
