In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
