i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
