Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
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we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
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He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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