It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
