Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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