Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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