I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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