I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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