drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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