what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
