It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
