so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I wish you could order shots online.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
