just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
